Praise be to You!

Nothing of me.  No breath, action, thought.  No word or even the most righteous of acts.  Nothing will ever be good enough.  I am lowly.  Broken.  Unable.  I am nothing.

Praise be to God!  Hallelujah, glory, majesty!  Praise be to the Most High!  You are my breath, my actions, my thoughts, my words.  You rescue me from the pit.  You are Healer, you are Able!  You are Everything!

I choose You.  This day, each day, I choose You.  May I honor you in All things.  May I live with intent.  May You be glorified and lifted high.  I give my life to You, knowing You will make it count for Your glory and Your kingdom.  Praise be to You, great Creator.  Praise be to you, the one who fashioned the moon and the stars, who created all creatures of the land and sea.  You are holy, worthy and glory!  May I live my life with eternal intent.  May I be a vessel to bring You praise. 

I am nothing--You are all things!  Praise be to You!

I Would Rather....

I just picked up a copy of David Platt's new book Radical Together.  A story that Platt shared in his book hit hard as I was reading.  He spoke of a city in a Muslim nation in which lies a tribe of nearly one hundred percent evangelical believers.  Unfortunately they have turned themselves inward and are not sharing the gospel with neighboring tribes.  Truth be told, that if they were to share their faith they could be imprisoned, or worse, put to death.  One of the things this tribes enjoys is the freedom to eat pork.  All the devout Muslims in surrounding tribes see this as unclean and are turned off by those who partake in it.  One Christian tribe member said in response to the proposition of giving up pork for the sake of the Gospel, "I would rather see a Muslim go to hell than give up pork."  Now while my first reaction was to shake my head in disapproval I was quickly reminded of my own "I would rathers...."

I would rather sit in my comfortable chair in my comfortable house watching my comfortable TV than step outside and share HIS love with the lost all around me.

I would rather spend $3.96 on flavored coffee at my local coffee house than give it to the impoverished.

I would rather keep me eyes looking straight in front of me at the stoplight than roll down my window and offer a little hope to the broken.

I would rather pat someone on the back for answering the call to take care of the orphans and the widows than to open my own home and do it myself.

I would rather keep my relationships at work less awkward than to ask someone to come to church with me.

I would rather give nervous laughter than to speak up when a friend is talking about what they did the night before.

Woe to me.

"Most High God, may my 'I would rathers' become 'I will nots'.  May your will shine through my dense selfish desires.  God, let it be."

In the end.

May the calluses on my hands, my feet,
May the holes in my worn out shoes,
May the lamp light on, late at night,
Show of my devotion to you.

May the bare cupboard of my home,
May the worship that is due,
May my empty wallet all declare,
My passionate love for you.

When this life is almost over,
When my bones are brittle and bruised,
May my weak voice finally sing out,
Father I'm coming home to you.

Unworthy Wretch

I think about this time every year, I look back and think the same thing--"Wow, it's hard to believe that the year is almost over." This year is no different. The past few weeks have caused me to reflect on the happenings of my year, question the purpose behind some of my life circumstances, but always come to the same conclusion--the Lord is so good.

I am sure that I have realized this before but, recently I realized that I can do nothing on my own that is of any significance. It is so easy, when things are going well, to think that the Lord is blessing me because of something that I have accomplished. As if, I could turn the head of our creator, leaving Him thinking "Wow, look at how awesome Dayla is today. I think I am going to bless her since she was extra awesome." No, no goodness in my life comes from my own doing. The Lord doesn't "owe" me anything because I am good or kind or I was thoughtful enough to walk the proverbial old lady across the street. I don't know why He chooses to bless me but it is not because of anything I have done. No, the Lord chooses to give and to take away out of HIS own freewill. That is so good for me to remember (and often). It comes natural to pat myself on the back and think that any blessing coming from the Lord is because I was extra obedient, but truth be told the true blessing is that I don't deserve an ounce of His LOVE yet He gives it to me anyway. Wow, that blows me away. Unworthy yet still shown mercy.

I have been reading the book "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan in a small group at my church. We recently finished a chapter on loving others as Christ. The chapter itself led to a discussion of seeing the homeless and marginalized as equals and our charge to serve and love them. One individual in our class made the comment that he had a hard time feeling compassion for the homeless because they were to blame for their circumstance. It would be easy for me to point my finger at that guy and judge him as a heartless, self-centered individual, but to do that I would have to turn my judging finger and point it back at myself. How many times have I looked on someone without compassion, thinking it's their own fault they are in this position? The truth is, NONE of us are worthy of ANYTHING we have--not our status, not our possessions, not the love others show us, and especially not God's love. Yet we are called, just as Christ loved us (the undeserving), we too should love others. Who am I to ever judge whether someone is "worthy" of my time, love, or monetary gift? The Lord said go, give. It's that simple. Why do I make it so complicated with when, who and how much?

Isaiah 61:1 "The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me, because the Lord has anointed me to bring good news to the poor, he has sent me to bind up the broken-hearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound."

"Father, may my life reflect You."

Nothing else matters...

I am weak, imperfect and afraid. It may appear on the outside that I am a strong, independent, can roll with the punches sort of girl, but if I am being honest I know that I can do none of these. It is only through Christ that I am strong. My independence is rooted in His unfailing love and it is only by His refining fires that I am able to see trial as good.

I ran across a quote from John Piper not long ago that stopped me in my happy-go-lucky tracks:

"The critical question for our generation--and for every generation--is this: If you could have heaven, with no sickness, and with all the friends you ever had on earth, and all the food you ever liked, and all the leisure activities you ever enjoyed, and all the natural beauties you ever saw, all the physical pleasures you ever tasted, and no human conflict or any natural disasters, could you be satisfied with heaven, if Christ was not there?"

This quote instantly exposed the shallowness of my one-sided faith in God. I am ashamed to say that too easily the answer to that question would more often than not be "yes". Is that the extent of my love for the Lord? When I face trials I go running to the Lord but when things are good I almost always fall away, thinking I can handle it on my own. How proud of me to think I can handle anything on my own. I cannot.

Last year the song "While I'm Waiting" by John Waller became sort of an anthem for my life, saying that as I wait I will continue to praise the Lord. There was nothing wrong with this idea until I began to assume that the Lord would indeed deliver me out of my situation. Now, however, I find myself asking the question "what if"--what if He chooses not to deliver me from this place in life?, what if this is exactly what God has purposed for my life? Am I willing to live it to the fullest and quit looking for the next "out", thinking that surely He has something much more grandiose for my incredible life? Woe to me.

"Father, you are good to me and so often in your blessings I lose sight of you. Your blessings feel good and bring me great joy, but without you they are nothing. I desire to live for you alone but I constantly get distracted by the good things in my life that I run after more good feelings and leave you by the wayside. Forgive me oh Lord. Without you I am nothing. I know now that no good feeling will ever fill up the void in my heart. Forgive me for trying to stuff people and things and places into a God-sized hole. Let my feet run after you and my eyes see none but you. Lord, let it be."

More than a To-Do List...

I have experienced an incredible journey thus far in my life. I am honored and blessed to know the Lord as I do. I am humbled to be called His. So often I find myself wrapped up in the task of doing and learning that I forget to stop and spend time with Him. I can easily spend hours in my day reading about Him, how to live for Him and even busy myself praying to Him with an agenda in mind. Though these are well and good they are inferior compared to resting in Him.

"Most High God, You are more than a book, more than a Bible Study, more than a daily task to check off. You are more than a good feeling, more than a half-hearted commitment to follow. Father, You are my portion. You must be. Without You, I am without life and breath--my days meaningless. Father, may You be my first thought and my last. May You be more than a thing to accomplish in my day but may I allow You to walk alongside me in every decision, every thought and every action. May You not be stuffed in a corner or put on a shelf. God You are my all. Let that be true. May nothing come above You. Nothing. All else is meaningless compared to my love-relationship with You. May my passion for You far exceed my passion for life. Knowing You, serving You--that is not sacrifice. Sacrifice would be ignoring You, living for myself. Father, may I honor You in obedience, love You in worship, and bring You glory through my daily life. You are above all. May my life reflect this truth. Great are You, oh God. I am unworthy of You."

"...for such a time as this"

I was reading Esther this morning. I know her story well. I know of her great obedience—of how she risked her life for her people. But there was something this morning that caught my eye, something that I had overlooked many times before. In the fourth chapter we find Mordecai, having learned of Haman’s plan to destroy the Jews, asking Esther for her help. Esther responds, explaining that the cost of entering the inner court of the kingdom without the king’s summons is death. Only if the king holds out his golden scepter will you find favor with him. It is Mordecai’s response in verses 13-14 that caught my attention: “Then Mordecai told them to reply to Esther, ‘Do not think to yourself that in the king’s palace you will escape any more than all the other Jews. For if you keep silent at this time, relief and deliverance will rise for the Jews from another place, but you and your father’s house will perish. And who knows whether you have not come to the kingdom for such a time as this?’” To me this was a great reminder that God is not dependent on our obedience. If we choose to be silent, He will find another way and if we choose to be silent we may not physically perish but we will suffer a great loss in the intimacy of knowing our Lord. Because of Esther’s obedience the Lord was glorified. Praise God. I think this relates to so many areas of my life right now--as I think about ministry and His perfect plan. He has placed His cup before me and said “come and drink”. I can be obedient and He will be glorified or I can be disobedient and He will find one who is willing. May I never be one to refuse the cup of the Lord. May I make His name famous and may He be glorified through me.

"Most High God, I come before you humbled, honored and in awe. Great are you, Oh Lord. Father, may I never refuse your cup. May I be obedient to your plans and your will. God, never do I wish to come before you too afraid to be obedient. Father walk alongside me. Show me your way."