"A Faith Worth Living For"

Stepping out on faith can be difficult, terrifying and even sometimes lonely. Never once has it been said that this would be easy. As a matter of fact I expected much of what I am feeling. As I'm in the midst of it however, I am ashamed of my doubt and insecurity.

I prayed and God answered me in a extremely cool and real way. It's so easy for me though, to listen to the voice of "reason" saying it doesn't make sense or to get overwhelmed when I think about taking a step of faith. It terrifies me when I think about committing, about stepping out of my comfort zone, about saying "God I cannot do this without you" and having to trust in Him to be my comfort, my companion, my support. I also want to do right in the eyes of those who love me. In my weakness, I want them to be proud of my decisions. I want to prove to them that I have arrived into "adulthood" (whatever that means). I have always said that I would make them proud with how I handle myself, that I would never put myself into a position that seemed irresponsible. And yet, here I am faced with a silly decision--leap or stay on dry ground. It is in this weakness that the dry ground seems enticing. It calls to me, to my need to be comfortable. At the same time I cannot help but wonder what kind of mind-blowing blessings are on the other side of this decision. Hebrews chapter 11 is filled with people who did things that seemed crazy but God BLESSED them. We cannot forget men like Joshua who marched around a city for seven days and the walls came tumbling down, or Noah who faithfully built an ark to escape the flood waters while others mocked him. What about Daniel who remained faithful and the Lord shut the lions' mouths, or Rahab who allowed spies into her home and her life was spared because of it. This leap of faith seems small in comparison.

It is always interesting when you are struggling and things in your daily life seem to speak to those struggles. Today in Sunday School we were talking about the disciples in the final hours of Jesus' life on earth. As they were approaching Gethsemane, Jesus called to them to wait, keep watch and pray. Instead of doing this they fell asleep. After Jesus returned from praying he came to them and said, "Could you not keep watch with me for one hour?....The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak." How true. Often times we want to follow Christ, we want to take a step of faith, believe, jump, leap, give Him everything, but our "flesh" gets in the way. In this case my pride, comfort, and fear of being alone are getting in the way of taking a leap.

"Father, help me to open my hands wide to your calling. Take my finances, my need for approval, my fear of being alone, of being forgotten. Lord, may every breath and every beat of my heart be for you. I want nothing if I cannot have you. I want nothing if I will not live my life for you. Show me how to step out on faith. I cannot live this life alone. I have all my life pictured what tomorrow would be like but now I pray that you would ruin the plans that I have and show me what your will is for my life. Father, give me courage."