"With what shall I come before the Lord and bow down before the exalted God? Shall I come before Him with burnt offerings, with calves a year old? Will the Lord be pleased with thousands of rams, with ten thousand rivers of oil? Shall I offer my firstborn for my transgression, the fruit of my body for the sin of my soul?" Micah 6:6-7
So often we ask the same thing. What should I offer my God? What will compensate for my wrong-doing? We begin to live a lifestyle of works, thinking that if we work hard enough and do enough good deeds God will be pleased. Wrong. James 2:17 says "....faith by itself, if not accompanied by action, is dead." This is true. However, so often we focus on the action of doing and overlook faith in the equation. We do not serve a God that can be bought. All the good deeds in the world cannot save your soul. I'm not saying there isn't a place for good deeds. Jesus himself, called us to love the poor and the weak. What I am saying is empty works are just that--empty. God is not looking for a resume' of good works--for someone to buy their way to heaven out of guilt. He is looking for a person, who will live with integrity, who will honor Him inside and out.
Right after the question was asked, "with what shall I come before the Lord?" the answer was given in Micah 6:8. “He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God." Let us think on this for a moment: to act justly and love mercy and walk humbly with your God. Notice the lack of commas which would suggest that one be done after the other. No, instead "and" appears in its place. The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines "and" as a function word to indicate connection. Verse 8 says that we should "live justly and love mercy and walk humbly." Each should be done equally and simultaneously with the previous. It isn't an option of picking and choosing.
What does this mean? It means that as believers we are called to act in a way that honors our brothers in Christ but more importantly our God. It means to be merciful to our neighbor and when our neighbor isn't merciful in return to love them anyway. Finally it means to rid ourselves of pompous thinking--to move our focus from ourselves to others and Christ and to live graciously. I can guarantee that this is not an easy thing to do. I also guarantee that there will be times when we will cry out to God. But I know that if we don't examine our hearts and rid ourselves of all unrighteous (including selfish gain) that one day, you and I both will look back and regret not living to our fullest potential which is to honor Christ.
"Father, show me how to strip myself of selfish gain. Envelope me. May my every breath be for Your glory. Without you, my life is meaningless. May I not live on this earth only to die in vain, having not furthered Your kingdom. To You be the glory, forever and ever. Amen."
Monday, February 15, 2010
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Pressing On.
I realize my posts have a similar trend and often state the same truths. Regardless, I invite you to walk alongside me as you get a glimpse of my heart and the things God has taught me through this new phase in life.
"Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." - Philippians 3:12-14
Eight months ago I graduated from college, finished my last day of work and embarked on a new journey--one that would have twists and turns I could not imagine. I spent my summer months roaming, searching, grasping for something. Finally in late July, after months of silence I heard His voice--a sense of direction, finally! So I gathered my earthly belongings and moved! Admittedly I thought that things would fall into place once I settled in--that I would have a source of income, a social life, a sense of purpose and belonging. It was as if I had pictured life after college to be the last chapter, that it was all smooth sailing. Of course, logically I knew there would be trials and I knew that I would be stretched but I am not sure that reality had struck quite yet.
Five months, 30+ job applications, and a hit and miss part-time job later I am beginning to realize something I knew all along--life is not the perfect dream! One thing remains true however, God is sovereign! I know I have said this before but I will not be convinced otherwise. I remember writing a philosophy paper in college about whether God determined good or if good determined God. Think about that for a minute. I don't remember my conclusion in the paper exactly but I can tell you this: God's desire is for the greater good. We are a narrow-minded, selfish people who ninety-nine percent of the time look to our own interests first. God is not confined to our way of thinking. He sees the bigger picture, the WHOLE picture. So what if things are not the way I planned. Regardless of my plan, my prayer is that I would be willing to further His kingdom! I have never before felt this strongly about that objective.
Even knowing these things it is easy to allow the fact that my finances are dwindling rapidly, that I have no prospects for employment and that I will likely have to move out of my apartment, get me down at times. Then there was tonight. As a youth worker I have the opportunity to hear a good friend and mentor share his heart. He spoke about pressing on. When you are in the thick of it, tired and can't muster up enough strength to take another step, press on anyway. When things seem grim, when all you want to do is quit, press on.
"Father, you know my heart. Your Word says You knitted me together in my mother's womb. You rejoice over me in love. Abba, when my strength is fleeting I cry out to You to lift me up. I have faith in You, not because of Your goodness towards me but because You deserve my praise. When my pride seeps to my bones, You are patient. You gently remind me of Your majesty. I admit, some days I don't want to do things the way You would have me do them. But with every fiber I cry,'All for Your glory.' Lord, let it be."
"Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." - Philippians 3:12-14
Eight months ago I graduated from college, finished my last day of work and embarked on a new journey--one that would have twists and turns I could not imagine. I spent my summer months roaming, searching, grasping for something. Finally in late July, after months of silence I heard His voice--a sense of direction, finally! So I gathered my earthly belongings and moved! Admittedly I thought that things would fall into place once I settled in--that I would have a source of income, a social life, a sense of purpose and belonging. It was as if I had pictured life after college to be the last chapter, that it was all smooth sailing. Of course, logically I knew there would be trials and I knew that I would be stretched but I am not sure that reality had struck quite yet.
Five months, 30+ job applications, and a hit and miss part-time job later I am beginning to realize something I knew all along--life is not the perfect dream! One thing remains true however, God is sovereign! I know I have said this before but I will not be convinced otherwise. I remember writing a philosophy paper in college about whether God determined good or if good determined God. Think about that for a minute. I don't remember my conclusion in the paper exactly but I can tell you this: God's desire is for the greater good. We are a narrow-minded, selfish people who ninety-nine percent of the time look to our own interests first. God is not confined to our way of thinking. He sees the bigger picture, the WHOLE picture. So what if things are not the way I planned. Regardless of my plan, my prayer is that I would be willing to further His kingdom! I have never before felt this strongly about that objective.
Even knowing these things it is easy to allow the fact that my finances are dwindling rapidly, that I have no prospects for employment and that I will likely have to move out of my apartment, get me down at times. Then there was tonight. As a youth worker I have the opportunity to hear a good friend and mentor share his heart. He spoke about pressing on. When you are in the thick of it, tired and can't muster up enough strength to take another step, press on anyway. When things seem grim, when all you want to do is quit, press on.
"Father, you know my heart. Your Word says You knitted me together in my mother's womb. You rejoice over me in love. Abba, when my strength is fleeting I cry out to You to lift me up. I have faith in You, not because of Your goodness towards me but because You deserve my praise. When my pride seeps to my bones, You are patient. You gently remind me of Your majesty. I admit, some days I don't want to do things the way You would have me do them. But with every fiber I cry,'All for Your glory.' Lord, let it be."
Monday, January 4, 2010
Sovereign God.
Many times as believers in Christ we get an idea that God will provide--as if He will automatically bail us out regardless of the circumstance. I too have fallen victim of this notion. As I grow in my faith I find that this is a simple way of thinking. We serve a complex God. One that does not fit our mold or our agenda.
Even with this in mind, I have come to this simple truth: God is sovereign. Regardless of my circumstance I cannot believe otherwise. Recently I read a friend's blog questioning the sovereignty of God. He was sharing his hurt of recently hearing that a well-known pastor was diagnosed with brain cancer. In this blog He stated that He had a hard time believing the sovereignty of God when something like this has happened. Though I respect his words I can appreciate the response of a mutual friend. "Is the goal of life to live 90 years on earth or to follow God in the years that we have on earth? While I can completely understand the loss of a friend and great teacher, we do not preach, teach, live moral, so that we will have a long life. Righteous people die, just like the unrighteous - the rain falls on the wicked and the pure. The plan of my Father is beyond my understanding, but it is His. The reality of the effect of sin on our world is real." This is something I have realized as of late. Just because I am a young, innocent, believer--one who has done little wrong in this world compared to many, this does not mean that God will automatically "save" me from my predicament.
The well-known verse Jeremiah 29:11 says "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" This is something we hear often, especially during new chapters in life surrounding graduation from high school and college. We read this, hear this and say this then seem to expect those "plans" to take affect immediately. My mom recently pointed out to me that we tend to over look verse 10 which states "This is what the Lord says: 'When seventy years are completed for Babylon, I will come to you and fulfill my gracious promise to bring you back to this place....'" Verse 10 changes everything in my opinion. He's saying, "Things will be tough. Years of struggle and trial may go by but I will come back for you. It may not be today or tomorrow or even this year but I have a plan for your life. Stick with me, be faithful and I will fulfill your life and give you a future." It is even through struggle that we have hope.
There are two things I can say about my life at this point. One, it is not at all what I expected. And two, it has allowed me to appreciate my many blessings. I live in a small town that I never that I would live in again, without a job that I didn't think would be hard to find, surrounded by friends who, for the most part, I didn't know six months ago. Regardless, I have a roof over my head, food to eat, electricity, unexpected friendship, love, and much more.
Let me tell you friends, even if I had none of these my God would still be sovereign.
Not of me, but of Him.
Even with this in mind, I have come to this simple truth: God is sovereign. Regardless of my circumstance I cannot believe otherwise. Recently I read a friend's blog questioning the sovereignty of God. He was sharing his hurt of recently hearing that a well-known pastor was diagnosed with brain cancer. In this blog He stated that He had a hard time believing the sovereignty of God when something like this has happened. Though I respect his words I can appreciate the response of a mutual friend. "Is the goal of life to live 90 years on earth or to follow God in the years that we have on earth? While I can completely understand the loss of a friend and great teacher, we do not preach, teach, live moral, so that we will have a long life. Righteous people die, just like the unrighteous - the rain falls on the wicked and the pure. The plan of my Father is beyond my understanding, but it is His. The reality of the effect of sin on our world is real." This is something I have realized as of late. Just because I am a young, innocent, believer--one who has done little wrong in this world compared to many, this does not mean that God will automatically "save" me from my predicament.
The well-known verse Jeremiah 29:11 says "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" This is something we hear often, especially during new chapters in life surrounding graduation from high school and college. We read this, hear this and say this then seem to expect those "plans" to take affect immediately. My mom recently pointed out to me that we tend to over look verse 10 which states "This is what the Lord says: 'When seventy years are completed for Babylon, I will come to you and fulfill my gracious promise to bring you back to this place....'" Verse 10 changes everything in my opinion. He's saying, "Things will be tough. Years of struggle and trial may go by but I will come back for you. It may not be today or tomorrow or even this year but I have a plan for your life. Stick with me, be faithful and I will fulfill your life and give you a future." It is even through struggle that we have hope.
There are two things I can say about my life at this point. One, it is not at all what I expected. And two, it has allowed me to appreciate my many blessings. I live in a small town that I never that I would live in again, without a job that I didn't think would be hard to find, surrounded by friends who, for the most part, I didn't know six months ago. Regardless, I have a roof over my head, food to eat, electricity, unexpected friendship, love, and much more.
Let me tell you friends, even if I had none of these my God would still be sovereign.
Not of me, but of Him.
Saturday, August 29, 2009
"A Faith Worth Living For"
Stepping out on faith can be difficult, terrifying and even sometimes lonely. Never once has it been said that this would be easy. As a matter of fact I expected much of what I am feeling. As I'm in the midst of it however, I am ashamed of my doubt and insecurity.
I prayed and God answered me in a extremely cool and real way. It's so easy for me though, to listen to the voice of "reason" saying it doesn't make sense or to get overwhelmed when I think about taking a step of faith. It terrifies me when I think about committing, about stepping out of my comfort zone, about saying "God I cannot do this without you" and having to trust in Him to be my comfort, my companion, my support. I also want to do right in the eyes of those who love me. In my weakness, I want them to be proud of my decisions. I want to prove to them that I have arrived into "adulthood" (whatever that means). I have always said that I would make them proud with how I handle myself, that I would never put myself into a position that seemed irresponsible. And yet, here I am faced with a silly decision--leap or stay on dry ground. It is in this weakness that the dry ground seems enticing. It calls to me, to my need to be comfortable. At the same time I cannot help but wonder what kind of mind-blowing blessings are on the other side of this decision. Hebrews chapter 11 is filled with people who did things that seemed crazy but God BLESSED them. We cannot forget men like Joshua who marched around a city for seven days and the walls came tumbling down, or Noah who faithfully built an ark to escape the flood waters while others mocked him. What about Daniel who remained faithful and the Lord shut the lions' mouths, or Rahab who allowed spies into her home and her life was spared because of it. This leap of faith seems small in comparison.
It is always interesting when you are struggling and things in your daily life seem to speak to those struggles. Today in Sunday School we were talking about the disciples in the final hours of Jesus' life on earth. As they were approaching Gethsemane, Jesus called to them to wait, keep watch and pray. Instead of doing this they fell asleep. After Jesus returned from praying he came to them and said, "Could you not keep watch with me for one hour?....The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak." How true. Often times we want to follow Christ, we want to take a step of faith, believe, jump, leap, give Him everything, but our "flesh" gets in the way. In this case my pride, comfort, and fear of being alone are getting in the way of taking a leap.
"Father, help me to open my hands wide to your calling. Take my finances, my need for approval, my fear of being alone, of being forgotten. Lord, may every breath and every beat of my heart be for you. I want nothing if I cannot have you. I want nothing if I will not live my life for you. Show me how to step out on faith. I cannot live this life alone. I have all my life pictured what tomorrow would be like but now I pray that you would ruin the plans that I have and show me what your will is for my life. Father, give me courage."
I prayed and God answered me in a extremely cool and real way. It's so easy for me though, to listen to the voice of "reason" saying it doesn't make sense or to get overwhelmed when I think about taking a step of faith. It terrifies me when I think about committing, about stepping out of my comfort zone, about saying "God I cannot do this without you" and having to trust in Him to be my comfort, my companion, my support. I also want to do right in the eyes of those who love me. In my weakness, I want them to be proud of my decisions. I want to prove to them that I have arrived into "adulthood" (whatever that means). I have always said that I would make them proud with how I handle myself, that I would never put myself into a position that seemed irresponsible. And yet, here I am faced with a silly decision--leap or stay on dry ground. It is in this weakness that the dry ground seems enticing. It calls to me, to my need to be comfortable. At the same time I cannot help but wonder what kind of mind-blowing blessings are on the other side of this decision. Hebrews chapter 11 is filled with people who did things that seemed crazy but God BLESSED them. We cannot forget men like Joshua who marched around a city for seven days and the walls came tumbling down, or Noah who faithfully built an ark to escape the flood waters while others mocked him. What about Daniel who remained faithful and the Lord shut the lions' mouths, or Rahab who allowed spies into her home and her life was spared because of it. This leap of faith seems small in comparison.
It is always interesting when you are struggling and things in your daily life seem to speak to those struggles. Today in Sunday School we were talking about the disciples in the final hours of Jesus' life on earth. As they were approaching Gethsemane, Jesus called to them to wait, keep watch and pray. Instead of doing this they fell asleep. After Jesus returned from praying he came to them and said, "Could you not keep watch with me for one hour?....The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak." How true. Often times we want to follow Christ, we want to take a step of faith, believe, jump, leap, give Him everything, but our "flesh" gets in the way. In this case my pride, comfort, and fear of being alone are getting in the way of taking a leap.
"Father, help me to open my hands wide to your calling. Take my finances, my need for approval, my fear of being alone, of being forgotten. Lord, may every breath and every beat of my heart be for you. I want nothing if I cannot have you. I want nothing if I will not live my life for you. Show me how to step out on faith. I cannot live this life alone. I have all my life pictured what tomorrow would be like but now I pray that you would ruin the plans that I have and show me what your will is for my life. Father, give me courage."
Thursday, August 27, 2009
"Nothing of Me"
"'Come,' he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, 'Lord, save me!' Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. 'You of little faith,' he said, 'why did you doubt?'" - Matthew 14:29-31
"But whatever was to my profit I now consider lost for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ--the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith." - Philippians 3:7-9
"Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful." - Hebrews 10:23
"If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us from your hand, O king. But even if he does not, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up." - Daniel 3:17-18
"The one who calls you is faithful and he will do it." - 1 Thessalonians 5:24
"Let the beloved of the Lord rest secure in him, for he shields him all day long, and the one the Lord loves rests between his shoulders." - Deuteronomy 33:12
"The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still." - Exodus 14:14
"Father, nothing of this world...I want none of it if it is not of you. You have the power to deliver. You have the power to create change, to provide, to reveal. Even still there is power in your silence, in your soft touch, and in the groaning of your Holy Spirit. May I not look to my own interests but also to yours, to others and finally to myself. May I cast all idols aside. May I lay everything I covet at your cross. Father, you are. That's all that matters. I want nothing if I cannot have you. I know you are faithful. I know you provide. But Father, tonight I pray for PEACE as you lead--lead on. And as you lead may I not look behind. It's about you and me--not anything of this world. Praise be to you. May I fall humbly before you. May nothing of me ever get in your way. Here I am--I am yours."
"But whatever was to my profit I now consider lost for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ--the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith." - Philippians 3:7-9
"Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful." - Hebrews 10:23
"If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us from your hand, O king. But even if he does not, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up." - Daniel 3:17-18
"The one who calls you is faithful and he will do it." - 1 Thessalonians 5:24
"Let the beloved of the Lord rest secure in him, for he shields him all day long, and the one the Lord loves rests between his shoulders." - Deuteronomy 33:12
"The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still." - Exodus 14:14
"Father, nothing of this world...I want none of it if it is not of you. You have the power to deliver. You have the power to create change, to provide, to reveal. Even still there is power in your silence, in your soft touch, and in the groaning of your Holy Spirit. May I not look to my own interests but also to yours, to others and finally to myself. May I cast all idols aside. May I lay everything I covet at your cross. Father, you are. That's all that matters. I want nothing if I cannot have you. I know you are faithful. I know you provide. But Father, tonight I pray for PEACE as you lead--lead on. And as you lead may I not look behind. It's about you and me--not anything of this world. Praise be to you. May I fall humbly before you. May nothing of me ever get in your way. Here I am--I am yours."
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
“We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.” - Joseph Campbell
It's hard to know where to begin so I'll just start from the top:
A few months ago when I graduated from college I had every intention of working a job at the school and hanging out in town--putting off as much change as possible. When that didn't work as planned I didn't dwell on the idea. Instead I went the other extreme of trying to find something completely unfamiliar. I considered jobs and schools in what seems like all four corners of the country. During the summer I had the opportunity to travel a great deal. Though I enjoyed every place that I went to I couldn't picture myself anywhere. What was even more distressing was the unrest that I felt in my heart. I began to wonder if my heart would ever feel a sense of peace in this world--a place of belonging. Many times I would long for heaven, for a sense of home with my heavenly Father.
After all of this, a few events transpired to get me to where I am today. Early in the Spring I had committed to go with my "home" church to Falls Creek as a sponsor. Without looking at the dates I later committed to fly to CA to hang out with a sweet friend. About a week before I was supposed to fly out I realized that the week I was planning to be in CA was the same week as camp. Suddenly I had a big decision to make: Go to the beach and not get to experience a week of sleepless nights and rowdy kids or be out the price of a plane ticket and follow through with my first commitment of volunteering to take community showers and "sleeping" in a room with 30 to 40 others. Naturally I chose the latter and before I knew it I was in the midst of 88 others, in a cramped cabin, in the middle of the Falls Creek chaos. As usual camp was exciting, exhausting and enriching all at the same time (Alliteration at its best). Monday and Tuesday went by without a hitch. By the time Wednesday night came around I realized this week wasn't so much about me sponsoring a bunch of lovable hoodlums as it was the first step in a series of steps that would bring me to where I am today and where I hope to be going.
There aren't many times in life when I can say that God spoke to me so clearly that I had no doubt of what He was calling me to do. Wednesday night, however, was one of those times. As we were worshiping together it was as if He had been sitting beside me and quietly yet clearly whispered in my ear "I want you to go back to Chelsea". My initial thought was "Are you kidding me? Tiny, going-nowhere, Chelsea?" and once again, without skipping a beat He said "...and I want you to love on teenagers." Being baffled by this new sense of calling I kept it to myself and began to wonder if Chelsea was the "home" my heart was needing. Once the week was over I ended up heading to Chelsea with the rest of the group. When we arrived at the church and I walked in the doors, there was this literal and overwhelming feeling of peace that rained down on me. It was as if the hold that had been on my heart was gone and I finally felt like I belonged. Right then I remember looking at my friend and saying "This is home."
Since then I have been transitioning back to the area. I had the chance to also attend the Youth Evangelism Conference with FBC Chelsea. It was there that God continued to reveal to me His calling. While there I encountered a friend who had been praying for someone to move the area to be a friend as she and her husband serve in a church not far from Chelsea and have been struggling. God is amazing!
Even though we agree to follow Christ sometimes we still allow ourselves to get in the way. This has been my case. This weekend I realized that I hadn't "lept" yet. Sure, I said I "thought" God was calling me back, but there was always an out--a plan B if you will. I had a plan: get a job, find a place to live, then join the church and get involved. Well after applying to sixteen places and only having one interview that didn't go anywhere it was quickly becoming apparent that "my plan" wasn't going to work. So I jumped in the Word and began reading parable after parable and scripture after scripture of Jesus showing and telling His people to take a leap of faith, throw out their plans and follow after Him. He gave me this picture of myself sitting on the edge of the boat with my feet in the water--not having jumped in yet. Even trusting in Him I had a safety of "...if this doesn't work out I can always go somewhere else." But you see, God wants all of our faith and our plans. So on Sunday I had this overwhelming conviction needing to take a leap of faith by joining the church...simply saying in obedience to God that I now have no plan B, that I will trust Him in this and I'm ready for the ride--I'm here now and I expect to be accountable for that commitment by joining a church. This is silly but that is probably the biggest and scariest step of faith I've taken.
So here I am...In Chelsea, America. I am looking for jobs, knowing He will provide and I am so excited to see where He takes me.
I will keep you up-to-date in the coming weeks on any news but in the mean time take a second to check out this song "While I'm Waiting" by John Waller which has somewhat become my theme song as of late.
A few months ago when I graduated from college I had every intention of working a job at the school and hanging out in town--putting off as much change as possible. When that didn't work as planned I didn't dwell on the idea. Instead I went the other extreme of trying to find something completely unfamiliar. I considered jobs and schools in what seems like all four corners of the country. During the summer I had the opportunity to travel a great deal. Though I enjoyed every place that I went to I couldn't picture myself anywhere. What was even more distressing was the unrest that I felt in my heart. I began to wonder if my heart would ever feel a sense of peace in this world--a place of belonging. Many times I would long for heaven, for a sense of home with my heavenly Father.
After all of this, a few events transpired to get me to where I am today. Early in the Spring I had committed to go with my "home" church to Falls Creek as a sponsor. Without looking at the dates I later committed to fly to CA to hang out with a sweet friend. About a week before I was supposed to fly out I realized that the week I was planning to be in CA was the same week as camp. Suddenly I had a big decision to make: Go to the beach and not get to experience a week of sleepless nights and rowdy kids or be out the price of a plane ticket and follow through with my first commitment of volunteering to take community showers and "sleeping" in a room with 30 to 40 others. Naturally I chose the latter and before I knew it I was in the midst of 88 others, in a cramped cabin, in the middle of the Falls Creek chaos. As usual camp was exciting, exhausting and enriching all at the same time (Alliteration at its best). Monday and Tuesday went by without a hitch. By the time Wednesday night came around I realized this week wasn't so much about me sponsoring a bunch of lovable hoodlums as it was the first step in a series of steps that would bring me to where I am today and where I hope to be going.
There aren't many times in life when I can say that God spoke to me so clearly that I had no doubt of what He was calling me to do. Wednesday night, however, was one of those times. As we were worshiping together it was as if He had been sitting beside me and quietly yet clearly whispered in my ear "I want you to go back to Chelsea". My initial thought was "Are you kidding me? Tiny, going-nowhere, Chelsea?" and once again, without skipping a beat He said "...and I want you to love on teenagers." Being baffled by this new sense of calling I kept it to myself and began to wonder if Chelsea was the "home" my heart was needing. Once the week was over I ended up heading to Chelsea with the rest of the group. When we arrived at the church and I walked in the doors, there was this literal and overwhelming feeling of peace that rained down on me. It was as if the hold that had been on my heart was gone and I finally felt like I belonged. Right then I remember looking at my friend and saying "This is home."
Since then I have been transitioning back to the area. I had the chance to also attend the Youth Evangelism Conference with FBC Chelsea. It was there that God continued to reveal to me His calling. While there I encountered a friend who had been praying for someone to move the area to be a friend as she and her husband serve in a church not far from Chelsea and have been struggling. God is amazing!
Even though we agree to follow Christ sometimes we still allow ourselves to get in the way. This has been my case. This weekend I realized that I hadn't "lept" yet. Sure, I said I "thought" God was calling me back, but there was always an out--a plan B if you will. I had a plan: get a job, find a place to live, then join the church and get involved. Well after applying to sixteen places and only having one interview that didn't go anywhere it was quickly becoming apparent that "my plan" wasn't going to work. So I jumped in the Word and began reading parable after parable and scripture after scripture of Jesus showing and telling His people to take a leap of faith, throw out their plans and follow after Him. He gave me this picture of myself sitting on the edge of the boat with my feet in the water--not having jumped in yet. Even trusting in Him I had a safety of "...if this doesn't work out I can always go somewhere else." But you see, God wants all of our faith and our plans. So on Sunday I had this overwhelming conviction needing to take a leap of faith by joining the church...simply saying in obedience to God that I now have no plan B, that I will trust Him in this and I'm ready for the ride--I'm here now and I expect to be accountable for that commitment by joining a church. This is silly but that is probably the biggest and scariest step of faith I've taken.
So here I am...In Chelsea, America. I am looking for jobs, knowing He will provide and I am so excited to see where He takes me.
I will keep you up-to-date in the coming weeks on any news but in the mean time take a second to check out this song "While I'm Waiting" by John Waller which has somewhat become my theme song as of late.
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Brother and Friend
One of my friends started a "Tuesday Tribute" on her blog which I thought was brilliant. Though I am not consistent enough in my blogging to have regular readers I just had to create a tribute to my brother, Philip.
I have to say that I have a fabulous man as a brother. I just spent a fun-filled week with my sister-in-law, Angela and my niece Micaiah in St Louis. Unfortunately, Philip couldn't come along because of work. When we got home tonight we found the house spic-and-span, homemade cookies in the oven and one very excited daddy/husband/brother to greet us.
I absolutely loved watching him be SO excited to see his baby girl. His laugh was contagious enough to cause a tired ten-month-old to laugh hysterically as she rode around on her daddy's shoulders, smiling from ear-to-ear.
With that being said I must brag on my brother some...here are some of my favorite things about him...
He is...
Kind
Loving
an EXCELLENT father and husband
Generous
Patient
Considerate
He Opened his home to me without any stipulations
He Loves God and shows it
is Encouraging
Strong
Faithful
...to name a few.
Yes, indeed. I am quite proud of him. He has been a best friend, a role model, a pain in the butt, a support....and I am thankful for every bit of it.
I am pretty lucky to have a great brother and friend! Love you, Philip!
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