It's been a while since I have last written. I have actually done a poor job at keeping up with this. It's not that I don't have things to write, it's that sometimes I fear what my heart is saying is far too personal for an internet journal. There is something about writing your deepest thoughts, clicking submit, and not thinking twice about who has access. I just can't forget how powerful that submit button truly is, that and my choice to omit or add to the core of what I'm trying to say.
You see, I've learned great life lessons in recent months, some I will treasure forever, tagging them as milestones in my short experience. It is these lessons that are molding, sometimes painful, but always beneficial to my ever continual growth.
Recently I learned that not everything is about me...mind you that was actually a hard lesson to learn. It is quite easy to focus on what you know, that being your own thoughts and feelings, rather than guessing what others are thinking. This past month I encountered a personal revelation that every person thinks that if things are not going their way then they are somehow being attacked...the truth however is that everyone's defense is somehow translated into an offense...leaving a big mess of confusion and miscommunication among all parties. The best solution I have determined is to sometimes realize the conflict has nothing to do with you and to step aside, allowing the other party to sort through their issues. Don't make everything a personal attack, contaminating the truth with your own personal agenda. Let the facts alone. Don't take everything personally and don't assume that they are "mad" at you simply because everything isn't peachy 24/7 (Know I'm writing this for myself as much as the next guy).
In my most recent conflict I finally realized that I could no longer rack my brain figuring out what I did wrong, or stretch my creativity in trying to prove I am "good enough". I realized it wasn't about me. I realized I had nothing to prove and no wrong that needed to be forgiven. I examined myself with an honest eye, searching for my mistakes and found none that had not previously been forgiven. It was then that I realized that I was good enough. It was then that I was free! That I could present myself as I am, without anything to prove and without anything to give but myself and my talents. It was then that I released the idea that I needed to be something I am not...instead I grabbed hold to the challenge to be the best possible version of myself, careful to judge, quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger...that I might come without fault.
Examine your heart and rid yourself of all that is impure. Present yourself, holy and pleasing to the Lord. But mostly be yourself. The Father created you in His perfect image to be the person that you are. Don't try to change it as you will taint His plan for you. This is not a fix-all. Sometimes even after all of this that person may say they don't want to be your friend, or (you fill in the blank)...but at least you can walk away knowing that you were true to yourself and to your Father in Heaven.
"Abba, as the song so plainly states would you strip away all that remains until there is nothing left of me. May my spirit be pleasing to You. May I present myself as a workman, faultless and blameless in Your sight, having nothing to prove. May I offer up myself and when I am turned down may I turn to Your embrace. Bless me indeed."
