“Peace is not the absence of conflict, but the ability to cope with it”

I have been in the middle of a great deal of conflict recently. When this initially began, I found myself wanting to fix it and remove any conflict that separated me with others so that I could once again feel at ease, as if all is right in the world. Now however, I have realized that having peace isn't about removing all conflict and tension in my life but coping with it and allowing it to be okay.

There's something about coming out on the other side of conflict having grown so much more from it then had I completely avoided it all together. As non enjoyable as it is at times I am thankful for growing pains...for a little friction in life which allows me to grow even more than had everything gone my way.

“Don't let anyone tell you that you have to be a certain way. Be unique. Be what you feel.” - Melissa Etheridge

As I was on my way home this evening I found myself watching the night sky creep it's way into view--overpowering the warmth of the day. It seemed as if all earth's creatures were scampering away, trying to find a safe place to rest for the night. Then a large flock of birds caught my eye as they were swooping through the air. Hundreds, in a mass flying the exact same path. If the one in the front dipped, so did the hundreds behind. After watching this for a few moments, two thoughts came to mind. The first was 'who appointed that bird in the front, leader?' and the second, 'How that flock of birds exemplifies this cycle of life I find myself in.'

I find myself constantly allowing others to determine my path in life. Allowing them to make decisions for me that only I should make. Whether they are aware of the power I have given them or not, it is still there. It is sad to me that I would allow someone else to dictate aspects of my life when in the end I have to live with the consequences, not them. It's true, we live in a world in which our actions have an impact on those around us and same in return, but that shouldn't mean in my life that I let them determine the outcome. Fortunately, today, I am not talking about anything in particular, yet reflecting on where this course in life has taken me.

I pride myself on being an individual and not only that but independent from others. According to Webster's Dictionary Individualism is the 'privilege of determining one's own course of action'. I suppose if I plan to continue considering myself an individual I should start determining my own course of action and quit flying with the flock all the time but spread my wings and try a flight out on my own.

"It's as if the magic of this blissful hour has flowed together into these stirring, bittersweet tones and flow away, becoming transitory once more."

The Lord is steadfast. The Lord is holy. He is mighty to save. He is constant--unfailing, all-loving. He longs for me. He rejoices in my love. He laid everything out for me and oh how He must tremble every time I reject His love.

How wrong we are to search high and low for satisfaction and love from others when the Lord of all the universe desires us more than life. I have been taught a great deal lately about this notion of earthly love versus an unfailing heavenly love from above. No matter how hard we try to love in a pure fashion it always comes back to loving one another out of selfishness. We love in order to get love in return, whether directly or indirectly. 1 Corinthians 13 says "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." May we live like the scriptures command us and not out of selfish ambition.

"Father, forgive me for my failures."