Willing myself to contentment?

“Whatever we are waiting for - peace of mind, contentment, grace, the inner awareness of simple abundance - it will surely come to us, but only when we are ready to receive it with an open and grateful heart.” - Sarah Ban Breathnach

There is great danger in trusting in your own resolve.  This is true regardless of what you have resolved to do.  Be it making wise choices, resisting temptation or even having contentment, if you are leaning on your own determination at some point you will come up short.  This is something that I was reminded of today.  After having had a conversation with a dear friend last night about the Lord being our satisfaction, I found myself today lacking contentment.  I was saddened not by what I had but what I lacked.  As a sweet friend sat with me and listened to me ramble about my lack of contentment she gently reminded me of words that had come from my own lips just four months prior.  As I remember them, “The Lord must be your family, your Father, your portion.”  Remembering that in Him, I lack nothing.  

It is sobering to realize that even as I seek the Lord, I find myself, more often than not seeking Him out of my own resolve.  This “I can do this” attitude can be quite dangerous  as I find myself trusting in my own abilities to accomplish something instead of giving my all to Him.  When will I learn?

I love the Lord’s creative ways of getting my attention.  This morning before I was even aware of this frustration, I picked up Jen Hatmaker’s newest book “Seven” and read the words to a familiar song.

I believe You’re my healer.

I believe You are all I need.

I believe You’re my portion.

I believe You’re more than enough for me.

Jesus You’re all I need.

As my eyes took in each word with care, my spirit seemed to groan in agreement “YES!  You, Oh Lord, are all I need.” --And yet, somehow, in the span of seven hours this truth seemed to slip my mind.  It’s moments like this that I am grateful for the Lord’s mercy.  I was humbled also, only moments after expressing my discontent, with a sermon on stewardship.  Yes, the pastor’s intent was the importance of being good stewards of our time and money but one thing he said stuck with me.  “If you are not content with what you have, you will not be content with what you want.”  How true.  How often have I longed for something only to receive it and it not fill the void I was hoping it would?  Our ONLY satisfaction is in Christ.

Hear me say this, it is okay to struggle.  In our struggle the Lord can teach us a multitude of things.  Today I realized how often I trust in my own ability rather than giving myself to Him.  I am reminded, He is faithful.

“Father, forgive me for offering you my trinkets--for leaving my best intentions, abilities or gifts at your feet as if to say, ‘look, this is what I can do for you.’  You Lord, deserve things much greater than my poor attempt at coming to you in my own will.  Father, may I come to you poor in spirit, with an empty cup, ready to be filled with you.  You Father, are my portion.  Here I am, here’s my life.  Have all of me.”

The Trauma Room

When I was a child one of my favorite pass-times was to play doctor.  I had a black Fisher Price medical bag complete with the working stethoscope and I thought I was set to fix the world.  Here I was six years old, innocent, with a colorful imagination--nothing could stop me. It is fun to think back to wonderful, lighthearted memories and smile at my naivety.  Imagine though, what if, having no other experience, I was thrown into a crowded ER with sick and dying people--my only instructions ‘Heal as many as you can’.  It wouldn’t take long before I would fail miserably, lacking knowledge, equipment and maturity to handle each case.  I would fail, not because my intentions were wrong but because I was not equipped to handle the situation.

Like playing doctor in a trauma unit, I think we sometimes approach life’s spiritual trauma unit in the same way.  Overflowing with lost and dying souls we walk in with our Fisher Price bags and think a couple bandaids will heal those dying of cancer. What an absurd idea!  Everyone knows that slapping on a bandaid won’t heal cancer.  Then why is it that we assume we can just get by when it comes to reaching the lost?  

Imagine also if you went to the doctor and while you were in the exam room you noticed his diploma on the wall.  As he began the exam you mentioned it to him and he admitted  that he barely graduated and only did the bare minimum to get by.  Who would you prefer examine you--the doctor who just got by or a doctor who worked tirelessly in order to make the most of his educational opportunities?

It is time to wake up.  This is real life.  We can no longer approach the lost and dying with an unequipped, barely-skating by attitude.  Just like a doctor would not walk into an operating room with a Fisher Price kit, we cannot be casual in reaching the lost.  We must be intentional and “always prepared to give an answer to anyone who asks for a reason for the hope that we have.”  So put away the doctor kit, that is for children.  Take pride in the knowledge of Him.  Most importantly honor God in how you approach Him, His kingdom and this world.  

“Father, may we lay our childish games of pretend aside and become aware of the urgency of so many lost and dying in separation from you.  May we no longer casually live our lives but may we put you and your will first.  Father, let it be.”

I Choose You.

Why is it that we recognize the necessity to keep up maintenance of our physical bodies but often neglect the maintenance of our spiritual bodies?  Last week I was talking with a friend in my office about the Lord and during our conversation she had an "ah ha" moment in which it clicked.  Just like we must shower, clip our nails, eat, drink, etc. we must also be intentional in maintaining and enhancing our spiritual lives.  It was fun to watch her as this concept sunk in.  So often we live in a way that causes us to think that there is little need for constant spiritual growth and reflection.  However, just like my lungs need oxygen and my body needs rest, my soul needs the Lord. 

Over the summer I was reflecting upon this and something clicked in my heart and mind. I realized that in order to quit being a permanent patron of life's spiritual roller coaster I had to make a conscious effort to choose God each and every day.  So often I have approached my relationship with the Father casually.  I would spend time finding what I "needed" and leave everything else behind.  My vending machine Jesus approach often left me feeling unfulfilled, alone and anxious.  It wasn't until I really grabbed ahold of the idea that I have the power to choose Christ each day that I really understood the depths of the Father.

Over the last several months I have found myself falling desperately in love with the Lord.  I cannot seem to get enough of Him, His Word and His calling in my life!  I am constantly in awe of His faithfulness, sovereignty and provision.  Yes, He has asked me to do some scary things in faith but every time I obey I am blown away by how He honors my obedience.

If there is anything to learn through all of this, know that your relationship with Christ is not casual.  You cannot approach the Kingdom with a bag of quarters and expect to be fulfilled by picking and choosing all your vending machine desires.  Be bold. Choose Christ.  Satan has NO POWER to sway you from the Father unless you let him.  The Lord is unchanging, He is waiting for you to come to Him and to give all yourself to Him.  I try to begin each day by consciously choosing the Lord.  Sometimes I audibly say "God I choose you today, I choose to be obedient to you, your calling and your plan.  Give me opportunities to glorify you." and other days I simply think of how my life is glorifying Him best.  Whatever you decide friend, I can tell you this, you will never regret choosing the Lord first.  Your obedience to Him will not return void.

"Most High God, may I honor you with my life.  Be glorified.  Let these words bring you praise, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer."