More than a To-Do List...

I have experienced an incredible journey thus far in my life. I am honored and blessed to know the Lord as I do. I am humbled to be called His. So often I find myself wrapped up in the task of doing and learning that I forget to stop and spend time with Him. I can easily spend hours in my day reading about Him, how to live for Him and even busy myself praying to Him with an agenda in mind. Though these are well and good they are inferior compared to resting in Him.

"Most High God, You are more than a book, more than a Bible Study, more than a daily task to check off. You are more than a good feeling, more than a half-hearted commitment to follow. Father, You are my portion. You must be. Without You, I am without life and breath--my days meaningless. Father, may You be my first thought and my last. May You be more than a thing to accomplish in my day but may I allow You to walk alongside me in every decision, every thought and every action. May You not be stuffed in a corner or put on a shelf. God You are my all. Let that be true. May nothing come above You. Nothing. All else is meaningless compared to my love-relationship with You. May my passion for You far exceed my passion for life. Knowing You, serving You--that is not sacrifice. Sacrifice would be ignoring You, living for myself. Father, may I honor You in obedience, love You in worship, and bring You glory through my daily life. You are above all. May my life reflect this truth. Great are You, oh God. I am unworthy of You."

"...for such a time as this"

I was reading Esther this morning. I know her story well. I know of her great obedience—of how she risked her life for her people. But there was something this morning that caught my eye, something that I had overlooked many times before. In the fourth chapter we find Mordecai, having learned of Haman’s plan to destroy the Jews, asking Esther for her help. Esther responds, explaining that the cost of entering the inner court of the kingdom without the king’s summons is death. Only if the king holds out his golden scepter will you find favor with him. It is Mordecai’s response in verses 13-14 that caught my attention: “Then Mordecai told them to reply to Esther, ‘Do not think to yourself that in the king’s palace you will escape any more than all the other Jews. For if you keep silent at this time, relief and deliverance will rise for the Jews from another place, but you and your father’s house will perish. And who knows whether you have not come to the kingdom for such a time as this?’” To me this was a great reminder that God is not dependent on our obedience. If we choose to be silent, He will find another way and if we choose to be silent we may not physically perish but we will suffer a great loss in the intimacy of knowing our Lord. Because of Esther’s obedience the Lord was glorified. Praise God. I think this relates to so many areas of my life right now--as I think about ministry and His perfect plan. He has placed His cup before me and said “come and drink”. I can be obedient and He will be glorified or I can be disobedient and He will find one who is willing. May I never be one to refuse the cup of the Lord. May I make His name famous and may He be glorified through me.

"Most High God, I come before you humbled, honored and in awe. Great are you, Oh Lord. Father, may I never refuse your cup. May I be obedient to your plans and your will. God, never do I wish to come before you too afraid to be obedient. Father walk alongside me. Show me your way."

Spilling Over

I liken my spiritual life to a cup. Up until this point in my spiritual journey the Father has been filling my cup--with knowledge, with love, with blessings. In each encounter with Him, He has poured more into me, bringing me closer to spilling over. In this past year I have sensed my cup reaching its capacity. This past Spring I attended a ladies retreat that completely smacked me over the head with God’s truth and His love for ALL people. He reminded me of a commitment that I made several years ago to follow Him with my entire being. Since that retreat this Spring my God has not let up. It seems everything I have heard or experienced in the past six months has been very specifically directed towards me. The message: It is time. Sit no more. Do. Go. Share.

This weekend I was reading a passage in Psalms and as I read it, it was as if God's power, majesty, love and authority were flying off of the page. I have read this passage many times before but as I was reading I couldn't help but think about this God--the God who parted the Red Sea, who flooded the earth, who brought fire from the sky, the same God who created the heavens and the earth--this God knows and loves me. So often I try to put Him in a box in my head, or to imagine the biggest, greatest thing that I can--but even still He is much greater. I am blown away that I have a personal relationship with the God who always was, always is and always will be. I mean, WHAT?! Seriously? That God knows and loves me? That God desires to use me to bring glory back to Himself? What? Me? I am so unworthy of such an amazing calling. I am nothing--we are nothing in His midst. I am truly humbled to call Him "Abba" when His glory and His majesty are so great that not even this world can contain them. How can I ever put anything before Him when I think of Him in this way? It's simple, I cannot. He is my everlasting. I am truly amazed.

Coming back to this cup of mine: up until this point my cup has been filling—today, however, my cup overflows. It is spilling over and I know it is time.

"Most High God, please break me that I might finally rid myself of all that is not pleasing to You. God, may I seek you desperately. May I realize that Your glory and Your majesty is so great that not even this world can contain it. And yet, Oh Lord, you love me. You are passionate about me. Oh God, I am blown away by You. I am broken before You. Father, how unworthy am I to serve You. Father, I pray that You would not be a God of convenience or good feelings. Instead Father, I pray that Your majesty would overwhelm me in such a way that I cannot be silent. Oh God, let it be"