Holding on to the Only Constant.

Change. If I had to sum up my life in the last several months that would be the best description. I am constantly finding myself in this roller coaster of emotion--always surprised at the moodiness that it brings. One minute excited about this new step in life; the next wanting nothing more than to resist all change and hope time will overlook me.

I suppose I am always in a state of change but I began noticing this seemingly rapid transition just prior to Spring Break. I remember sitting in the living room of a friend's apartment thinking time was moving at light speed; that in the blink of an eye I would be graduating, packing up my life here and moving on. Just as I predicted, I blinked and here I am, three days before my college graduation. There are times when I'm excited, times when I think "bring it on, I'm ready", but then reality sets in. Though I have pledged to trust God and His plan for my life my habitual doubt shows it's ugly face.

When I look back on the last few months I am astonished almost to see all of the transitions that have taken place. From saying goodbye to a home of seventeen years to nearly finishing college; much has happened. Who would have ever thought it would be hard to say goodbye to a mailbox that I have had for four years? Or a bug-infested house that I have lived in for nine months? Who would have thought that buying my last scantron would be significant and having my last meeting would mark one more familiar thing that soon would only be a memory? And what about those friends I've made--what happens to them? We promise with our best intentions to write, to call, to "hangout" while we're both in town--but soon our best intention becomes another thing on our list of things we should have done but didn't.

There is so much to take in. I am truly at a crossroads. There is nothing left here that is required of me. When I walk out of that last final on Thursday my obligation to OBU is finished. That's something to take in for a minute.

So what about tomorrow? Everything I have written about is the close of another chapter in life. The question I have come to dread fits nicely right here. "What's next?" There are two types of change--closure and new beginnings. So what new beginning do I have to look forward to? I don't know. It's out there, I know that. He will provide, I am confident of that as well. So until then I will wait, reflect and be hopeful.

"Father, in this time of extreme transition, You are there. When everything I know is coming to a close, when my comfort zone is becoming something I can't grasp--You are there. You are my heartbeat, the rising and falling of my chest. Even when my life seems to be spinning out of my control You are constant. May I hold on to that simple truth--that You will never leave me."

"Renewing Rains"

What an excellent way to start the day--sitting outside on the front porch watching the morning rain fall down on the earth. Listening to the methodic pounding on the concrete walk--the cars passing by leaving ripples as the ever-increasing puddles fight to regain their shape. The sound of morning birds calling to one another in greetings. All-the-while the refreshing smell of rain droplets penetrate my nostrils--promising new life to the grassy fields, to the robin who leans in for chilling refreshment. The breeze, as it rustles the newly formed leaves, reminds me of the importance of faith. Though I cannot see, I still believe. The sun, giving way to the earth's pleading for rain--a new day has begun.

"You have promised me a new day, Oh Lord. You promise to provide for me just as you provide the earth its lifeblood. So here are my thoughts, concerns and desires. Here are my passions and my plans. Ruin me. In my own selfish gain, ruin me. May the beating of my heart and the air escaping my lips be only for your glory and not my own."