More than a To-Do List...

I have experienced an incredible journey thus far in my life. I am honored and blessed to know the Lord as I do. I am humbled to be called His. So often I find myself wrapped up in the task of doing and learning that I forget to stop and spend time with Him. I can easily spend hours in my day reading about Him, how to live for Him and even busy myself praying to Him with an agenda in mind. Though these are well and good they are inferior compared to resting in Him.

"Most High God, You are more than a book, more than a Bible Study, more than a daily task to check off. You are more than a good feeling, more than a half-hearted commitment to follow. Father, You are my portion. You must be. Without You, I am without life and breath--my days meaningless. Father, may You be my first thought and my last. May You be more than a thing to accomplish in my day but may I allow You to walk alongside me in every decision, every thought and every action. May You not be stuffed in a corner or put on a shelf. God You are my all. Let that be true. May nothing come above You. Nothing. All else is meaningless compared to my love-relationship with You. May my passion for You far exceed my passion for life. Knowing You, serving You--that is not sacrifice. Sacrifice would be ignoring You, living for myself. Father, may I honor You in obedience, love You in worship, and bring You glory through my daily life. You are above all. May my life reflect this truth. Great are You, oh God. I am unworthy of You."

"...for such a time as this"

I was reading Esther this morning. I know her story well. I know of her great obedience—of how she risked her life for her people. But there was something this morning that caught my eye, something that I had overlooked many times before. In the fourth chapter we find Mordecai, having learned of Haman’s plan to destroy the Jews, asking Esther for her help. Esther responds, explaining that the cost of entering the inner court of the kingdom without the king’s summons is death. Only if the king holds out his golden scepter will you find favor with him. It is Mordecai’s response in verses 13-14 that caught my attention: “Then Mordecai told them to reply to Esther, ‘Do not think to yourself that in the king’s palace you will escape any more than all the other Jews. For if you keep silent at this time, relief and deliverance will rise for the Jews from another place, but you and your father’s house will perish. And who knows whether you have not come to the kingdom for such a time as this?’” To me this was a great reminder that God is not dependent on our obedience. If we choose to be silent, He will find another way and if we choose to be silent we may not physically perish but we will suffer a great loss in the intimacy of knowing our Lord. Because of Esther’s obedience the Lord was glorified. Praise God. I think this relates to so many areas of my life right now--as I think about ministry and His perfect plan. He has placed His cup before me and said “come and drink”. I can be obedient and He will be glorified or I can be disobedient and He will find one who is willing. May I never be one to refuse the cup of the Lord. May I make His name famous and may He be glorified through me.

"Most High God, I come before you humbled, honored and in awe. Great are you, Oh Lord. Father, may I never refuse your cup. May I be obedient to your plans and your will. God, never do I wish to come before you too afraid to be obedient. Father walk alongside me. Show me your way."

Spilling Over

I liken my spiritual life to a cup. Up until this point in my spiritual journey the Father has been filling my cup--with knowledge, with love, with blessings. In each encounter with Him, He has poured more into me, bringing me closer to spilling over. In this past year I have sensed my cup reaching its capacity. This past Spring I attended a ladies retreat that completely smacked me over the head with God’s truth and His love for ALL people. He reminded me of a commitment that I made several years ago to follow Him with my entire being. Since that retreat this Spring my God has not let up. It seems everything I have heard or experienced in the past six months has been very specifically directed towards me. The message: It is time. Sit no more. Do. Go. Share.

This weekend I was reading a passage in Psalms and as I read it, it was as if God's power, majesty, love and authority were flying off of the page. I have read this passage many times before but as I was reading I couldn't help but think about this God--the God who parted the Red Sea, who flooded the earth, who brought fire from the sky, the same God who created the heavens and the earth--this God knows and loves me. So often I try to put Him in a box in my head, or to imagine the biggest, greatest thing that I can--but even still He is much greater. I am blown away that I have a personal relationship with the God who always was, always is and always will be. I mean, WHAT?! Seriously? That God knows and loves me? That God desires to use me to bring glory back to Himself? What? Me? I am so unworthy of such an amazing calling. I am nothing--we are nothing in His midst. I am truly humbled to call Him "Abba" when His glory and His majesty are so great that not even this world can contain them. How can I ever put anything before Him when I think of Him in this way? It's simple, I cannot. He is my everlasting. I am truly amazed.

Coming back to this cup of mine: up until this point my cup has been filling—today, however, my cup overflows. It is spilling over and I know it is time.

"Most High God, please break me that I might finally rid myself of all that is not pleasing to You. God, may I seek you desperately. May I realize that Your glory and Your majesty is so great that not even this world can contain it. And yet, Oh Lord, you love me. You are passionate about me. Oh God, I am blown away by You. I am broken before You. Father, how unworthy am I to serve You. Father, I pray that You would not be a God of convenience or good feelings. Instead Father, I pray that Your majesty would overwhelm me in such a way that I cannot be silent. Oh God, let it be"

Falling Deeper in Love.

I find myself in a place in my life that is challenging and trying at times but even being in the midst of it I know that I would not trade this season of my life for all the security in the world. The last fifteen months of searching for a job, having a couple temporary jobs, living on my own and having to depend on others for a place to sleep has been an adventure to say the least. There is not one decision that I regret, not one step of faith that I wish I could erase. I am content in knowing that I have sought God in most every decision I have made and have learned the cost of anxiety in those I haven’t. Yes, there are days when I do not think I can make it without having some sense of direction; and yes, there are times when all that is within me longs for mercy—for some sense of relief. However, when I think back on the last several months I am humbled to say that they have not been in vain. I pray my Father in heaven be glorified in who He is creating me to be. I am unable to sit in silence and allow my life waste away any longer. My God fashioned me to love and serve Him. God’s purpose in my life was not to make me great but to make Himself great within me. It is my hope that as He continues to refine me and mold me that His place in my life would be apparent.

“Most High God, I come before You humbled and broken. You have opened my eyes to Your desire to bring glory back to Yourself. May Your name be known. May Your name become famous that every nation and every tribe and every tongue know of Your great love. Holy, holy are You, Oh God. I am unworthy, yet You love me. I am nothing yet You rejoice over me with singing. May Your refining fire never leave me. Teach me Your ways, Oh God. May my life and breath bring You glory.”

Brokeness, is what I long for?

Do you remember that chorus "Holiness, holiness is what I long for, holiness is what I need. So take my life and form it, take my mind, transform it. Take my will conform it. To yours, to yours Oh Lord." There was also a verse about faithfulness, but the verse that has stuck with me in recent days is the cry for brokeness. "Brokeness, brokeness is what I long for." Who truly cries to be broken? Being broken is painful and messy. It is like asking for your life to be turned upside-down. Have you ever had your life turned upside-down? It's not necessarily fun.

I have found myself praying for this very thing. Brokeness. I know it will be painful. I know it will stretch me and at times leave me empty but I also know that if I don't become broken of my ideals and agenda then I will never become the woman God intended.

Selfishly, I want nothing to do with brokeness. I do not want to be vulnerable. More desperately, however I want, no I need, to be broken so that I can become a vessel for Christ.

"Father, break me. Break my stony heart. Desolve the coldness in my heart and give me a passion for your people. Teach me to love like you love. May I fall hard after You, oh my God."

"A Time to Plant and a Time to Uproot"

It is true that we are in a constant state of change--that the only constant, unwavering being is God Himself. It should be of no surprise to us when a new change takes place. We should be fluid human beings, ones that are ready to make a change at a moments notice.

It is a great idea anyway, but luckily God did not create us in the robotic fashion that I spoke of above. No, He implanted emotion and desires. He gave us longing and memories. He created us to develop connections with our surroundings. Whether there is change happening all around us or change happening within, it comes with the challenge of leaving what you were and taking a leap of faith towards what is ahead. Whether it is good or bad or a little of both, change takes some obvious getting used to.

All this to say that this past year has been filled with seasons of change. Even today I find myself making yet another big transition in my life. I was recently offered a summer job at Falls Creek Youth Camp, a job I have done three summers before. Though I never expected to work there again I am looking forward to all God has for me.

This means a few different things. It means that in the next 2 and a half weeks I am packing up my apartment and putting my things in storage. It means that things are still up in the air for August and beyond, though most likely I would not be moving back to Chelsea. But most importantly it means that I am giving over my comfort and security to God and trusting that He will put me where I need to be to be most effective in service to Him.

This transition is not the easiest. I have loved being in Chelsea and being a part of the church family here but I know that just because my physical address might change it doesn't mean that I won't have a "family" here that loves me. It has been a blessing to be a part of this town but I am looking forward to serving Him this summer at camp.

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven" Ecclesiastes 3:1

"He has Showed You what is Good"

"With what shall I come before the Lord and bow down before the exalted God? Shall I come before Him with burnt offerings, with calves a year old? Will the Lord be pleased with thousands of rams, with ten thousand rivers of oil? Shall I offer my firstborn for my transgression, the fruit of my body for the sin of my soul?" Micah 6:6-7

So often we ask the same thing. What should I offer my God? What will compensate for my wrong-doing? We begin to live a lifestyle of works, thinking that if we work hard enough and do enough good deeds God will be pleased. Wrong. James 2:17 says "....faith by itself, if not accompanied by action, is dead." This is true. However, so often we focus on the action of doing and overlook faith in the equation. We do not serve a God that can be bought. All the good deeds in the world cannot save your soul. I'm not saying there isn't a place for good deeds. Jesus himself, called us to love the poor and the weak. What I am saying is empty works are just that--empty. God is not looking for a resume' of good works--for someone to buy their way to heaven out of guilt. He is looking for a person, who will live with integrity, who will honor Him inside and out.

Right after the question was asked, "with what shall I come before the Lord?" the answer was given in Micah 6:8. “He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God." Let us think on this for a moment: to act justly and love mercy and walk humbly with your God. Notice the lack of commas which would suggest that one be done after the other. No, instead "and" appears in its place. The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines "and" as a function word to indicate connection. Verse 8 says that we should "live justly and love mercy and walk humbly." Each should be done equally and simultaneously with the previous. It isn't an option of picking and choosing.

What does this mean? It means that as believers we are called to act in a way that honors our brothers in Christ but more importantly our God. It means to be merciful to our neighbor and when our neighbor isn't merciful in return to love them anyway. Finally it means to rid ourselves of pompous thinking--to move our focus from ourselves to others and Christ and to live graciously. I can guarantee that this is not an easy thing to do. I also guarantee that there will be times when we will cry out to God. But I know that if we don't examine our hearts and rid ourselves of all unrighteous (including selfish gain) that one day, you and I both will look back and regret not living to our fullest potential which is to honor Christ.

"Father, show me how to strip myself of selfish gain. Envelope me. May my every breath be for Your glory. Without you, my life is meaningless. May I not live on this earth only to die in vain, having not furthered Your kingdom. To You be the glory, forever and ever. Amen."